Well I hope that the title of this post caught your attention. If it didn't then you need to re-evaluate your life, because something has gone terribly wrong.
This last weekend I traveled to Southern California, for one of my favorite events all year long. My mother and I are fortunate enough to spend the first weekend of every October at the Foxfield Medal final and Jumping Derby( which is a horse show, for those not familiar). My mom has gone for as long as I remember to help keep score. I have been going for about 5 years now, and have taken over the scoring.
On Wednesday night I flew from DIA to LAX, and had the most interesting/horrifying flight experience to date. I sat towards the back of the plane because I tried to get as far away from a family that had 3 screaming children. I was happily reading my Chelsea Handler book, when the I looked up to see that the Sweet Home Alabama Pageant Queen* next to was beyond panicked. She quickly pointed to the man sitting in a row all by himself on the other side from the aisle from us. He was a middle aged Asian man, that had pulled from an unknown location, and empty white kitchen trash bag. He had pulled it over his head and picked his feet up into it, and was completely covered. And rocking back and forth and shaking.
From the looking around, I was clearly late to the "What the hell is going on?!?" party. Everyone around this man was staring and speaking in fearful whispers. Miss Alabama, was about to start holding my hand and praying for world peace. Finally someone pressed their "help" button, and a flight attendant showed up. The look on her face made it clear that at that moment she wished she had listened to her mother and married rich. She politely asked if he needed assistance, and was answered with more rocking back and forth. She then abandoned us in our time of need, and retreated to the front of the plane. She may have ditched us but, she did send reinforcements. Another stewardess showed up and was brave enough to tape him on the shoulder. He did come out of his bag long enough, to ask her if she was looking for a date, and her current marital status. Once she said no, he went back in the trash bag. The stewardess then seem satisfied that there was no real risk and then ran away and left us there.
Miss Alabama, was clearly having the worst day of her life, I took pity on her and attempted to make conversation to distract her from our friend. I lasted until the conversation turned to her aspiring acting career. I could only take so much.
Luckily for us, the man in the trash bag was not trying to kill us, he was just a man in a bag. Miss Alabama was very convincing in her imitation of a dryer sheet once we landed, and I'm surprised I have been friend requested on facebook by her yet. And most surprising of all when I followed trash bag man off the plane, the bag was full of about 20 packets of sauce from a fast food restaurant, and it is driving me crazy that I can't figure out where the sauce packets were, while he was in the trash bag.
My mom of course was extremely disappointed that I did not think of taking a picture of him. I am now sad I didn't get one either, but at the time was more concerned about being breaking news on CNN.
I have much more stuff to share from my weekend away, but nothing quite like this. I will fill you in on the rest once I get a chance.
*It has not been confirmed or denied that she was ever in a pageant, but based on our conversations I believe there is an very good chance.
Safe travels,
Megan
LOL! Only you...
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